The road to ‘Bliss’…

Posted: August 19, 2013 in Uncategorized

Road to HealthyI haven’t written in a while, mostly because I had no idea what to write. My blog so far, has mostly been about me battling my inner fat girl en route to the stage…

Been there…done that..

Since deciding not to compete, I felt a LOT lost. Didn’t know what to do with myself. Finally, after a few months and numerous battles with ‘fat girl’..I finally feel like I am in a good spot.

Competing was good for me, because it gave me a goal. A scary goal. With an A type personality, having a goal (for me) is a must….and unfortunately for me, it needs to be BIG and SCARY. I AM trying to find interim goals that are not so big and scary, but for now, my next scary goal is coming up in 4 weeks…stay tuned!

In the meantime, I continue to battle this inner fat girl, and try to understand why we battle so much. EVERY single day. Sometimes I can keep her in check, other times I feel very defeated by her. Whatever the reason, my challenge is to understand why and how I let her thrive sometimes, because it is just that. I LET her thrive….self-sabotage? Who knows…

‘Health and Fitness’ is not a destination…it’s a life long journey, with lots of ups and downs, peaks and valleys, and visits from ‘fat girl’. My job, is to enjoy the journey, learn the lessons that are being taught, and to keep moving forward. One step at a time.


End of this road….

Posted: June 8, 2013 in Uncategorized

I have decided to no longer compete.

While I am pretty sad about this, I am looking forward to all of the other things that are in store for me. Back in the fall, I came to this same conclusion, and then really pushed to try. Truth is, it’s too hard, and is causing me to LOSE balance, which is not at all what I want, or need.

Being a mom and a wife, and still trying to figure out ‘me’, takes a lot of time, and effort. Fitness is my lifestyle. Competing is a hobby. A hobby (in my humble opinion) should not be something that causes stress. Long and short of it? It was. So, I have decided to carve myself out another path.

I am sad, my life feels like it is shifting….and as we all know, change is both uncomfortable, and hard. I am no quitter. I will take all the challenges that come at me in stride.

Lots of emotion whirling around in my head, and in my heart, so for now, one day at a time.

What will I be when I grow up? Who knows…but the possibilities are endless 🙂


I feel like every time I sit down to write, I want to say that there have been ups and downs….

Truth? There are. Always. One great day, one so-so day, one pretty crappy day. Sometimes related to the scale, sometimes related to my mood, some days related to nothing specific.

Consistency with diet has not been my strength in the past. I am learning through experience that consistency is key. The only thing that will work is to form good habits, and to stick with them. Day in, day out, week in, week out. Even when things seem tough, and you don’t ‘wanna’…keep going. Stick with the plan….

This time around feels NOTHING like the last time. I am not filled with as much anxiety, I think because I know what to expect. Somewhat.

I am trying as much as possible to keep up my intensity, and to keep challenging myself. My friends keep me honest, and where I cannot see myself clearly, they are my eyes. When I am feeling a little sorry for myself, they deliver a quick kick in the butt to keep me moving. The key for me, will be to keep moving. These last couple of weeks have reminded me of the importance of a good sleep and rest, the inaccuracy of the scale, and most importantly, that when you push yourself REALLY hard….you actually ‘don’t’ break :).

I’m loving every second of round 2. I am excited by the changes I can feel, and hopefully soon will be able to see. I realize that I will need to ‘Ebb and Flow’, and enjoy where I am in every passing moment. Every challenge will be met with a smile, the occasional tear, and you guessed it. Consistency.

23 weeks to the stage.

It feels ridiculous to be counting down from this far…but I am determined this time around to do a long, slow prep…with as LITTLE pain as possible…

My last prep it took me to see pictures of myself at 12 weeks to behave. At 27 weeks, I decided this time, I was ready. It is going to be MUCH more gradual.

The last two weeks have brought ups and downs…I am still fighting with insecurity. Some days I feel really really strong, and that I can conquer the world, with my 5am crazy cardio sessions, and then killing it in the gym lifting heavy.

Other days I walked around like a zombie…barely able to put one foot in front of the other. This comes with the territory I guess…and being ‘inspired’ for 25 weeks is a LONG time let me tell you. The way I have decided to manage this, is to set ‘mini’ interim goals for myself.

My first mini goal is Jamaica. We are headed there in a few weeks for a wedding, and I told myself that I am going to be wearing a ridiculously teeny bikini… 🙂 this has kept me pretty on point with diet in the last 2 weeks. I even baked cookies with not so much as a lick of the batter, or bite of a single cookie.

Mini goal #2 is in July. I will be turning 40, and decided that I am going to do a photo shoot, hopefully in which I will be the fittest I have ever been.

My big goal for this year will be when I walk onto that stage in Hamilton, at the OPA Natural Provincials. I am working really hard, and plan on keeping up the intensity. I love a good challenge…

Until then, I am focusing on mini goal 1…and now off to find that ridiculous bikini. 🙂


Posted: March 13, 2013 in Uncategorized

I loved this post.


Lean Into DiscomfortI’ve been practicing more and more  “leaning in” to my anxiety.

Using what I notice my body is conveying to me– the racing mind, lack of focus, tense shoulders, heavy sighs, and fidgitiness — as a signal to tune in to the feeling as opposed to galvanizing my energy to run away from it, I find I’m not less comfortable like you might think would occur. In fact, when I realize that I am the same as my experience (I am the anxiety), there is nothing to run away from.

When I do this I think of the saying,  “Wherever you go, there you are.” We suffer most when we attempt to push away from us what we are experiencing, right?

If we are our experience though, we are one with it. If we absorb our experience, we relieve ourselves of rigidity. If we refrain from building a wall that…

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imagesCA3C7ETNLate last year, I decided that I wanted to compete again, and just could not find a way to make it fit into my family life. Having 3 children, a 9-5, and all other obligations that come with living a busy life made it feel impossible to fit it in. Not gonna lie, I was VERY disappointed. I think I was actually surprised at how disappointed I was.

Since then, a little time has passed, and with the support of my family, we decided that I should try. We ALL decided that I should try. Even with a husband, and 3 boys, it is important to live your dreams. Life is enhanced by all of the experiences we have, and the goals that we set for OURSELVES. Family still does, and will always come first, but I am finding that fitting time in for myself and my dreams makes me a better wife, a better mother, and just a better me. I feel like I have renewed energy. I think we all have one shot in life at doing what we truly love. Finding the time to do and live what you really love takes dedication, determination, flexibility and patience.

It feels different this time. I’m not sure how, and I’m not sure why. Many of my experiences are the same, yet the feeling in my body, is different. Adjusting to my new coach, settling into a new routine and busting my ass at the gym. Not that I don’t usually, but having some interim goals before I compete on September 14 in Hamilton, are keeping me pretty focused. Being my ‘fittest at 40’ my first goal…

The beginning is the hard part. Letting go of my ‘comfort’ and learning to TRUST. Trusting the process, trusting my coach and trusting myself.

Competing for me is more than just about bringing home a big trophy (though, 🙂 I do love a big trophy). Competing. Training is hard. The diet is hard. You work hard. Your mind body and soul are tested. But at the end, the sense of accomplishment for me, is exhilarating.

Ready for the ride?

I am.

27 weeks to go 

Posted: February 10, 2013 in Uncategorized

Knightboysmom's Blog

Dear Dad,

Tomorrow will be 3 years since God made you an angel…not a day goes by that I do not think of you. I think of you whenever I walk by our piano and hear the beautiful music your grandson plays us almost nightly…I see your smiling face in Isaiah’s eyes, and hear you whenever he tells a joke, very reminiscent to ones you would tell.  I see you in the shape of Kaeden’s hands, feet and face, and in his spirit. I miss you so much, it still hurts so deeply in my very soul…

I miss how wise you are, how calm you made me feel inside, the warmth of your kindness. I miss our heated religious debates, and your view of the world. Mostly, I miss how your hugs would automatically make everything better.

Whenever Kai plays the piano, I remind him how special his gift…

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