For my friends out there who have competed in figure competitions, know how challenging off-season can be. Going from being on-stage to off-stage can be very daunting, as it was for me…
Feeling ‘fat’, struggling with my rapidly changing body – from being competition ready, to every-day ‘fit’. Anyways, I knew that I would struggle, but I had NO idea that this would be the outcome.
I’ve had body issues, like most girls do…for a REALLY long time. For a long time I just dreamed of being a certain weight, a certain size, taller, whatever. Having 3 beautiful boys caused my weight and body to change significantly several times. Each time we had a baby, it became increasingly difficult to lose the weight, but being as tenacious as I am, I did. It wasn’t easy but I was determined to, so I did. The outside, though, never changed what I felt on the inside.
Fast forward. I competed in my first competition in the summer, a goal I set for myself for my 40th birthday, but decided to do a test run a year earlier. Stepped on stage at about 110 lbs or so. LOVED my tiny little muscular body. LOVED it….I knew it would not be realistic for me to maintain that body, but I did enjoy it…
…and guess what. Not even THAT changed the way I felt on the inside. While competing did change my view on a LOT of different things, it did not change the way that I felt about myself.
…fast forward a little more, to a Liz that’s a bit curvier. About 12 lbs curvier…but that’s not all that’s changed…and not till I sat down to think about why I feel different did I figure it out….over the last year, the changes in my mind were slow and steady…I think I am finally figuring out who I am, who and what I need around me, and how important it is for me to be my authentic self, and to surround myself with people who share my views…but friends who will challenge me in a positive way.
This year, I have found so much wonderful. I have found a Liz who is strong, competitive…self assured. A Liz who is not afraid of new. A Liz who is not afraid to fail…which makes me not afraid to try. Failing isn’t bad. It means you tried. I found a Liz who LOVES her current curvy STRONG body. My body can lift heavy weight in the gym, which means I can carry my 3 ‘not so baby boys’ to bed when they fall asleep on the couch after a night of movies and popcorn…
Newest discovery…I can actually run, and completed my first 10k race with a pretty decent time. Confession? I didn’t think I could do it. Running scares me…more than competing in figure competitions. So I will do it again, because I think doing things you do not think possible, make you stronger.
So…all the while, I was trying to change my body to feel better on the inside. Silly me. You need to change your insides, to feel better on the outside. It only took 39.5 years to figure it out….no matter, I’m glad I finally did. Surrounded by a whole HEAP of wonderful WONDERFUL people (you know who you are) I found my happy.
Fat girl....Step Off!! 